Why My Boobs Are Awesome

and should be shared with the world by Regina Filangi. Let's face it, my boobs are awesome. And if you haven't had the pleasure then I sincerely feel badly for you. Because they should be listed as a national treasure. Now, these aren't perfectly sculpted specimens of exact proportion, slope or even cup size. Oh no my dear friend, they are far from perfect, which is what makes them amazing. The left is bigger than the right and I have wandering nipples from time to time depending on the weather, day or amount of attractive men in the room. But this doesn't matter you see, because they bring joy to whomever gets w/i 5 feet of them. I have a friend that once described them as "always happy to see me" or "crazy perky" and my favorite "bundles of joy". So even though one may be bigger than the other and bras can't decide if they are a B or C, they truly are the gifts that keep on giving. And sometimes I have a problem keeping them in my shirt because I feel everyone who wants to be part of this amazingness should have the chance. I don't think one college friend has not seen them at any point in time. Hell, any girl at the gym will see them in the locker room. But I've been told putting my boobs on display to everyone and their red headed step children is "lewd" "slutty" or "distasteful". I had to google each one of these words because I have not been previously privy to such language. And I can tell you good sir, spreading the mountainlove* is neither of those things. If anything, it's a symbol of world peace. And I'm going to spread that world peace all down I-26.

*Mountainlove is a coined phrase by Regina Filangi and cannot be used without the written consent of the aboveformentioned party.